Hey, Smith & Wesson: You can't shake the Devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

Faced with the public backlash from their agreement with the Clinton administration, Smith & Wesson has posted a "clarification" of their government deal. You see, their agreement stipulates that each and every Smith & Wesson distributor and dealer follow a certain code of conduct. This code of conduct, as I've described previously, lays down very specific restrictions on what the dealers can and can't do. Any dealer/distributor that does not agree to these guidelines cannot sell Smith & Wesson firearms at all.

If you read the agreement, you can see that there are stipulations on the details on guns and magazines that dealers can sell. Though these points plainly refer to ALL guns the dealer sells, Smith & Wesson has "clarified" the agreement by maintaining that these conditions apply only to S&W guns and products. Not surprisingly, this interpretation has been challenged by the White House.

I dunno, it was all pretty clear to me, and I'm not a lawyer. The way I see it, S&W just pulled an "Oh, shit, what the hell did we do?"

I spent a lot of time today scouring the web for information on the original Dungeon Master and Alternate Reality games for the Atari ST and 8-bit repectively. In my view, these two games were the grandfathers of modern first-person perspective games, whether they be role-playing games (like DM and AR) or shooters. My interest in them was sparked by an Atari emulator I got from a player at the recently ended Free Range Action Gaming v6.0.

What Dungeon Master lacked in depth, it more than made up for in its atmosphere, graphics, and joy of playing. There was a single goal; destroy the evil wizard at the bottom of the dungeon. Getting there was the trick... and it helped to yoink all the powerful magic items you would find along the way. This isn't one of those games that addresses the question "Why would a wizard leave all this powerful equipment lying around for you to find?" because back then we didn't ask such questions! Infidel! Blasphemy! No, this was a pure and simple dungeon crawl and you loved it. Along the way you could pick up spiffy matching sets of plate armor (two complete sets, if I recall correctly), wicked magical blades, and a snazzy assortment of wands, potions, and other stuff. Dungeon Master actually had a system that improved the skills you used. If you fought hand-to-hand a lot, your warrior level would increase, pumping up your Strength and Hit Points. However, if you relied on the bow or thrown weapons, you would rise through the ninja levels, raising your Dexterity in the process. Wizard spells would raise your wizard level and mana, while priestly spells, such as healing, would increase your priest level (and mana). Along the way, clever puzzles, tricks, and traps slowed your progress. The only serious drawback to Dungeon Master was the static nature of the dungeon... it never changed. You had to wait for a sequel, such as Chaos Strike Back and the poorly designed Dungeon Master II.

Alternate Reality blew me away in its immersive environment. The intro to The City may have seemed cheezy to some (a huge alien saucer "beaming" up hapless victims to transport to a distant world), but the following theme song and star field were mind blowing at the time. Though the designers of AR had an ambitious 8 or so installments of Alternate Reality mapped out, only The City and The Dungeon were ever completed. The City, though well done, could not compare to the vastly superior and much larger Dungeon. Plus, in The Dungeon you actually stood a chance of surviving (in The City everyone is much tougher than you, finding money is nearly impossible, and killed enemies never drop their weapons behind for you to use). The (under)world of The Dungeon was incredibly complex with numerous minor quests beside the main one (which isn't really known to you at the beginning, and completing it does not prevent you from still playing the game).

It's hard not to think back on these games and get glassy eyed with fond nostalgia. Does memory view the past through rose-colored glasses? Hopefully I'll find out, because I'm going to try very hard to find a way to play those games again.

To me, the message of lawsuits against gun makers is simply "When democracy doesn't get you what you want, cheat." The constitutionally elected representatives of the American people aren't doing what Bill Clinton and his fellow gun grabbers want, so they've decided to simply disregard them. Believe it or not, there are even supporters of gun control who find the idea distasteful.

When people tell you that the people want gun control, ask them why the elected representatives of the people aren't passing it? When those people claim that the National Rifle Association is too powerful, ask them if it isn't true that the NRA derives all of its power from its members and supporters among the American people? When those people claim that they are only trying to push "common sense" gun control, ask them how they can claim the issue to be so cut and dry when so many many many people vehemently diagree?

Naturally, I'm very disappointed to hear the exact details of Smith & Wesson's deal with Clinton and his anti-gun buddies. I was surprised to learn that what I saw as an all-American business is actually owned and run by a British corporation. This, many say, is why Smith & Wesson conceded to the terms in order to avoid the majority of legal tangles facing it and other gun manufacturers.

Most of the terms I read and shrugged. They do not represent a real burden to shooters, dealers, or buyers: including a second "hidden" serial number, including an external trigger lock with each gun, integrating an internal lock into every gun, devoting money to researching "smart" guns, loaded chamber indicator, storage warnings.

But the troubling details are the ones that the media isn't talking about: a vague rule about making the gun so that it "cannot be readily operated by a child under the age of 6", a minimum barrel length of 3" unless it has proven poor accuracy, minimum overall sizes for pistols, restriction on any gun "that can be readily converted to an illegal firearm" (like, say, chopping down the barrel on a shotgun or rifle), and requiring all S&W dealers and distributors to follow a certain set of guidelines.

This last condition is arguably the worst when you actually read the terms that dealers have to abide by. They are not allowed to sell any perfectly legal large capacity magazines or semiautomatic firearms that are grandfathered by the "Crime" bill, no matter who made it. They cannot, in fact, sell any firearm that does not conform to the "design criteria" laid out in the agreement (including, I assume, minimum barrel size, minimum overall size, hidden serial number). The dealers cannot sell a gun without receiving notice from the National Instant Check System, even if the mandated maximum time limit for the check has passed (meaning that to eliminate gun purchases completely, all the FBI has to do is be slow in responding). They can't sell any firearm unless the purchaser has passed a safety training course, no matter what the local or state laws say or whether or not such a course is even available in the area. In addition, there are a whole bunch of conditions that already reflect federal law for licensed dealers, so their inclusion seems rather strange.

Anyone who didn't foresee that dealers would no longer want to deal with Smith & Wesson is an idiot. And why should they? Basically, this agreement says that they can sell S&W guns and no other. Not surprisingly, dealers and buyers are starting to boycott this great company that has been making firearms in America for almost 150 years. I think it's a terrible shame, but no doubt it's what gun-control advocates were hoping for when they proposed it. With this agreement, I think Smith & Wesson has basically put itself out of the firearms business and I'm sure the gun grabbers are jumping for joy.